The Man-ority Report on Canbacing

Why do we need a Man-ority report on Canbacing? Well most of the Canbacers at the moment are women so I thought it was time that we had a male perspective. I know that I’m only one man and I am married to the originator of CANBACE. So, I am likely to be biased. However, we have to start somewhere.

Male Canbacing

Let’s look at CANBACE(ing) from a male point of view. I have been Canbacing for about 22 years since my son died. Not intentionally but by accident.

After my son’s death and divorce I had to rebuild my life. Luckily. I had the Army to fall back on which helped a lot. I had given up my Army career when Angus was diagnosed as being blind. In those days this meant that we wouldn’t be able to be posted abroad as a family. As a foreign posting happened at least every other posting this was a bit of a show stopper. After Angus died I re-joined the army with a 6-year gap in seniority and cracked on.

That may not sound very much like Canbacing: however, because of its very nature Canbacing many forms. You are Creating a New Beautiful and Courageous Existence. How that happens will depend on what your life is like when you start. That, in turn will, shape where you go on your journey. There will be bumpy and bad times. Hopefully these will be outweighed by the better ones and the more positive feelings.

Bumps and bad times

Since Angus’ death I have experienced both bumpy and bad times. What’s the difference? Well for me it’s about being prepared. The death of my second wife was a bumpy time. Paula already had her diagnosis when we first met. She didn’t hide the implications from me. I went into our marriage with my eyes wide open. Our time together was going to be short and we decided to make the most of the time that we did have. Being prepared for what lay ahead meant these where “bumpy times” … incredibly bumpy yet bumpy none the less. If living life to the full to make the most of every moment you are blessed with isn’t Canbacing I am not sure what is.

Whereas the failed IVF and loss of ever having another child was a bad time.  Until Nicci was 40 she had no symptoms of very aggressive endometriosis. That’s actually not quite true because failing to conceive turned out to be a symptom. However, that could have been a symptom of several other things. We’d also been lulled into a false sense of security that WE WOULD eventually get pregnant.

A split condom resulted in an unplanned pregnancy. We were only really getting used to the idea that we were going to be parents when Nicci had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. However, we thought that Nicci’s eggs only had to smell sperm in order to fertilise. The realisation that this was not the case resulted in BAD TIMES. They were completely unexpected, and I had no reference points to how I should feel.

Better times

What about the better times? Surely there must have been some of those too. Yes, there were and include finding two wonderful women. Times when I was canbacing even though I didn’t know it at the time. Despite the passing of time I can’t include my first wife as a better time. There’s also been one excellent honeymoon and one where we should have gone for more stars on the hotel and Nicci completely agrees. We live and learn.

Then there were the good times related to travel and sports. I stopped being asked what I was doing at the weekend as usually it was a lot more exiting than everyone else. it did help that my second wife was living in Paris at the time. So regardless of anything else planned I spent three out of four weekends there.  I cycled around Lac Le Man/Genève, visited Cannes, Albi, and Strasbourg.  All just for the weekend. Not the same weekend I hasten to add!

I have had holidays skiing in the Rockies, safari in Hwange, hashing at Vic Falls…. Coming up to date I’ve been sailing in the Baltic, with Nicci there’s been three months in Jerez De La Frontera, and multiple trips to Exuma which always includes sailing. The ultimate Canbace adventure is yet to come. So that’s new a beautiful taken care of.

What about Courageous and Existence?

Well I did get to go to war a few times in the last 22 years. In fact, it was about now 22 years ago that I started my pre-deployment training for Bosnia. I went to Iraq twice and Afghanistan once. That was before Nicci decided that she didn’t like me getting shot at.

We have moved to France as a stepping stone to the Bahamas. OK this has been a little bumpy as we were only supposed to be in France for six months and 12 years later…however, Infertility and IVF got in the way and slowed things down quite considerably. Actually, France and The Bahamas cover Beautiful as well as Existence and some might even consider them Courageous as well.

On the slightly lighter side of life the #CanbaceLife twitter chat on a Tuesday evening is great fun. It’s created some interesting ideas about what life could include if we win big time on the lottery. These include Canbace resort Bahamas. There may even be a chain of “Flamingo Resorts”. Then there’s Canbace Travel, Canbace Air and Canbace Rail. Look out Richard Branson!

There are already several contenders for the CEO and Quality Control positions especially for the resorts and travel aspects of our multi-million-pound CANBACE life, if only we can arrange to buy that winning ticket!

What’s the most Courageous bit though?

Well from my point of view it’s telling Nicci when she can’t do something or when it is time to stop. I know most husbands/men will agree with me on this point.

This week for instance, I have been laid up with a tummy bug for a couple of days. Good for the weight loss and the abs bad for Nicci. It’s meant that she has been doing the things that I normally do as well as all her tasks. She’s got to the stage where she is running out of spoons. She’s not sleeping well at the moment which means that her spoons aren’t being replenished over night as they should be.

This cannot be allowed to continue so I have told her (put my foot down) that new blogs are not as important as her health. Her health is more important than anything else for that matter. So, the next few blogs will be ones that were written a few years ago and published on a previous blog. For a little while there won’t be any totally new content.

This will be a huge struggle for Nicci as she feels this is letting people down. My perspective is, that in order to help other people, she MUST take care of herself first. With the exception of the webinar tomorrow and the #CanbaceLife Twitter Chat, the time Nicci spends on work is being severely curtailed.

Hopefully normal service will be resumed at the end of next week. If not, it will not be Nicci’s fault it will be mine, just so you know.

Canbacing for this man …

has been happening for a long time. For years I didn’t realise it. It’s definitely work-in-progress, indeed I’m not sure it will ever end. Does it get easier? That depends on how you look at it. Now I am canbacing, and doing it intentionally, which is a bit of a revelation in itself, I think it may get easier.

Logic says it should be easier as you look for the signposts and if necessary break new ground. That doesn’t mean that it won’t be hard but, as they say, if it’s not raining it’s not training, or any other clichés you want to use.

Until next time …

In Canbace friendship

 

If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about. If you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website, please let me know. I will keep your words private.