Belated Happy Birthday to a Courageous Canbacer

Today’s Courageous Canbacer is again going to be slightly different. Although I’m not writing about an historical Canbacer I am writing about someone who will go down in history as one of the most influential CNBC women of our time. In this Courageous Canbacer I want to honour Jody Day, the founder of Gateway Women, who celebrated her 54^th birthday earlier this week.

A Courageous Canbacer helping others

You see it was 10 years ago, during her 44^th year that the reality of her situation started to sink in. In her birthday blog Jody writes “That was a pivotal year for me because it was the year that I realised that my childlessness was not some bad dream that I was going to wake up from one day; it was my permanent reality and I was going to be childless for the rest of my life.”

In the rest of her blog Jody shares with us her “10 tips for healing from the heartbreak of childlessness” before finishing with a beautiful birthday wish perfect for the Courageous Canbacer that she is: “I really hope this blog has helped you and that you don’t feel so alone and scared today as I did a decade ago. And I hope that a decade from now, you’ll feel as connected and empowered as I do today on my 54^th birthday.” I really don’t know where she finds the time as she is one of this year’s World Childless Week’s Champions so has a really long “to do list” at the moment. However, this support for other people’s initiatives within the community is typical of Jody. (You can read more about World Childless Week in New(s) and Reviews from 10th July 2018)

I’ve had the pleasure of talking to Jody on a number of occasions over the last year. We have worked together regarding regarding the articles for The Childless Not By Choice Magazine and her brilliant webinars during the We Are Worthy Summit last April (see below).  However, despite all the progress that Jody has made she admits that she doesn’t have all the answers and that when she started her healing “journey” that she didn’t know whether what she was doing was the right thing to do or not. Yet she still hopes that by doing what she does she is shining a light for others to following which might make life that little bit easier for the people walking the same path. A perfect example of a Courageous Canbace helping others whilst they heal themselves.

These aspirations have been such an inspiration and really resonated with me. Five years ago, when I started to face my reality head-on, I also had no idea what I needed to do to help us both grieve. As time passed I realised that there wasn’t the support that I needed, in the form that it needed it, so I hauled up my big-girls pants and decided to be the change that I wanted to see in the world.

Even then I wasn’t convinced that I will every truly embrace a life without children. I would look at people like Jody and admire their courage and determination to find their Plan B yet there was always a tiny doubt in my mind that I would ever be able to follow in her/their footsteps. A part of my (my devilish inner critic) would whisper “Well it’s ok for them, their situation was different from yours. They are stronger than you. They haven’t had as many knock-backs as you. They are clever than you. They have more support than you. THEY ARE DIFFERENT, so you can’t expect to find the peace/acceptance that they have found”.

You can be a Courageous Canbacer too

Yet, and this is the REALLY GOOD BIT, I’ve come to realise that my inner critic was WRONG. Yes, Jody is different than me in so many ways. Yet she is also very similar to me too. She’s a woman who has been dealt with a huge and painful blow by the universe, yet she gave herself the permission to believe that she could heal. In the last few months I have given myself that permission to and IT IS A LIFE CHANGER. It’s not the end of the process, it’s the very first step that you need to take in order to start following the path towards peace and acceptance.

Take a deep breath and give yourself the permission to heal. Read Jody’s 10 tips and accept the possibility that her level of connection and empowerment is attainable for you too. Even if you don’t TRULY believe it to the bottom of your heart, that little glimmer of hope is the start.

In CANBACE friendship!

If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about so if you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website please let me know and I will keep your words private.