In the last week “existence is hard” I looked at five ways to build momentum into your healing. Although I wrote over 1300 words that was so much I had missed out which was important, so this is “building healing momentum part two.”
Avoid negative coping mechanisms: When progress is slow, or we feel that we have taken a backwards step, it is easy to give up or reach for a temporary “feel good” fix. Pizza, chocolate, ice cream, binge watching Netflix Box Sets all feel so good when we’re feeling down; this is not healing. However, the feeling good is short-lived as we pile on the guilt for reaching for the pizza, chocolate and ice cream. At which point we have a choice to make: either hurtle down the spiral of needing more and more pizza to get the same “fix” or do something to break the habit. Of course, there are other, far more serious “quick fixes” that you could get hooked on such as abusing alcohol, drugs, compulsive shopping or excess spending, gambling and pornography addition. A less obvious “quick fix” is isolating yourself from society in order to protect yourself from the triggers in the first place.
Treat yourself with kindness when you are triggered: Unfortunately, triggers are going to happen. Like death and taxes, they are inevitable. The key is to NOT beat yourself up about it when they do. Give yourself time and permission to recover from the trigger, this is healing. Don’t feel that you must remain 100% positive 100% of the time as that is supressing your emotions and not positive thinking. It is important to experience your emotions whether they are positive or negative: you don’t fully appreciate a sunny day if there is never any rain. Give yourself permission to feel terrible after a triggering experience. Remind yourself that you are safe and that they feelings will pass, then, when you are ready, start to move forwards again; this is also a sign of healing.
Start a Gratitude Jar: having weathered so many years of being overwhelmed by your grief and the associated emotions it can be difficult to see that there are good things in your life. We are in pain and all we can see, feel or hear are things that confirm that our pain is real, valid and understandable. However, even in the midst of all this there are glimmers of a happier and easier life. Practicing Gratitude is one way of re-training your brain to notice these “little things” in a more tangible way so that you REALLY notice them. There are some very simple Gratitude techniques and what’s great is that they have their own snowball effect: once you start it becomes easier and builds momentum. Many people find writing in a Gratitude Journal very beneficial. Bizarrely for a writer I really struggle writing a journal [I know … go figure] so I prefer to use a Gratitude Jar. We chose a jar that was big enough to contain 365 Gratitude notes from me AND 365 from Andrew. We also chose a glass jar so that we could see our gratitude increase as the year progresses. We each have a colour and we each write a couple of words on a piece of paper every day. At the end of the year we’re going to clear the table, open our jar and take a look back at all the evidence we’ve recorded that shows the healing that has happened to us over the last year.
Focus on the NOW: breathing exercises are great way of dealing with anxiety and overload, thus enabling healing to take place. They also help you to focus on the NOW. You can let go of the past and stop worrying about the future and concentrate on the present. When you are focusing on the NOW it is easier to feel happier about your situation and identify things to write about in your Gratitude Journal or put in your Gratitude Jar. There are loads of other benefits too which I cover in this video about the 4,7,8 breathing technique.
Banking your good times: wouldn’t it be great if you could bottle some of your positive feelings, that result from healing, to help you weather the “bad times”? Well the good news is that there is a very simple technical that helps you to do exactly that. Rather than writing any more I will let the technique “speak” for itself as I guide you through a session in the video.
On Monday I’ll be looking at way to create my new happy mojo!
In CANBACE friendship!
If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about so if you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website please let me know and I will keep your words private.
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