In last Monday’s post I shared five ways that I was creating my new healthy mojo. Hopefully, a healthy mojo is also a happy mojo. However, if repairing the neglect my mojo experienced over the last ten years needs a helping hand I have five ideas up my sleeve. For each idea I’ve added a link to a relevant article that you might find useful.
Fake your happy mojo in the beginning
This is a great one if your mojo is still feeling a little fragile, which is resulting in a lack of self-confidence. Basically, you act as if you are confident, successful, happy, or where ever you need a boost. Then you continue to “fake it” until you start feeling more confidence for real. So why does faking happiness work? Endorphins, the body’s natural opiate, are released when we are happy and neuronal signals are sent to our facial muscles. These signals cause us to smile thus starting a positive feedback loop. When our smiling muscles contract, they trigger a signal to the brain which increases our endorphin levels. When our brain feels happy, we smile and when we smile our brain feels happier. When we “fake it till we make it” we are kick starting the feedback loopy by smiling.
Your Confidence: 9 Ways To Fake It ‘Til You Make It.
A happy mojo celebrates even the small successes
At the end of April/beginning of May 2015 I was home alone. Andrew was back in the UK and I was dealing with everything at home. I’d got two dogs to walk: one young and needing 4 plus miles a day and one old with arthritis needing a gentle pootle in the field across the road. I was also working on the business, keeping the house tidy enough for potential buyers to view and I wasn’t particularly well. I was struggling. Due to the weather I was having to mow the lawn and field every three days which took about 8hrs each cut. If I missed a cut the next one would take 12hrs. One particular day I collapsed in a heap when I finished and sat looking across the lawn to the house. It looked glorious in the sunlight and I smiled. My happiness lasted all of 30 seconds before I burst into tears. I knew that things had to change when I couldn’t even take a couple of minutes out to celebrate another successful grass-cutting session. When you are in the depths of despair it is vital to celebrate even the smallest success.
Why You Must Celebrate Small Successes.
A happy mojo likes doing something different
When I talk to people about re-engaging their passion for life they often say, “but nothing I do thrills me any more”. It reminds me of the coaching “theory” that says, “do the same thing and you will get the same result: if you want different results do something different.” Option one is to think back to pre-childlessness times and see if activities you did then appeal more than your current activities. Go back to your childhood if you need to. I had to go way back to when I was 16 and the time before my love for creative writing was stamped on by a career’s advisor. Option two is to get creative and do something you’ve never done before. Considering all of the hobbies and activities that are “out there” it would be highly unlikely if you didn’t eventually find something that really excites you. The inspiration can come from anywhere. I’ve recently read “The Last Runaway” [Tracy Chevalier] which include descriptions of different types of quilting practised by Quaker women in the mid-19th Century. The descriptions fascinated me, so I headed for Google to find out more. Now I’d love to have a go at making a quilt.
How To Do Things You Have Never Done Before.
A happy mojo loves the feeling of belonging
“I feel so isolated” is a frequent comment I hear from people who are childless not by choice. They feel that their family don’t understand them. Their friends are all having, or have had, children. The close friends they used to have, have drifted away as, one by one, children arrived on the scene. They no longer have things in common with the friend as they only seem to be able to talk about their kids. Everyone in the world appears to be pregnant, and that includes the men! There are pregnant teenagers, pregnant drug addicts, pregnancies from one-night-stands and “oops we didn’t mean to have number three” pregnancies. When struggling with all of this it’s vitial for our well-being to connect with people who “get it” and won’t be judgemental. This is one of the reasons why I have created “The Childless Not By Choice Zoom Café” on Facebook. We use the power of Zoom to get together for a chat about life, the universe an everything. If you are feeling isolated come and join my tribe! [Zoom is a free video conferencing platform similar to Skype and Facetime]
A happy mojo focuses on what can be changed
The Serenity Prayer “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference” makes a huge amount of sense. When you are childless not by choice there is so much that is outside your control. You cannot determine when, or if, you will ever conceive. You cannot control when, or if, you will meet a new partner. You cannot control if that new partner, when you have met them, is going to be able to have children. There are so many things that our outside of our control than no wonder we feel battered and overwhelmed by negative emotions. One of the reasons I believe the Canbace is so powerful is that we can decide to create a new, beautiful and courageous existence. It may not happen overnight and there may be times when we still experience wobbles: however, we have finally been able to take control of something.
Focus On What You Control. Let Go Of What You Don’t.
In CANBACE friendship!
If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about so if you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website please let me know and I will keep your words private.
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