Self-worth and the power of praise

I woke up this morning feeling a little vulnerable. There had been some unpleasantness in my life over the last few days so the sense of my own self-worth has been challenged. I was picking up on negative vibes that I would normally have ignored perhaps because I had made recording of the negative emotions experienced by people who are childless not by choice (read more blow). So, I was not on top form when I work up this morning. Then I opened my emails and received a wonderful piece of unsolicited validation of the fact that I am worthy, and I am valued. Whilst watching it I realised I really must share with you the power of evidence-based praise as this can be a vital tool when you are struggling with your sense of self-worth.

Self-worth is a victim of your inner critic

We humans can be very silly and very strange sometimes. In fact, we can be our own worst enemy in terms us damaging our self-confidence and sense of self-worth.

Think back to a time when someone said something nasty to you. “You are fat”, “You are ignorant”, “You are ugly”, “You don’t deserve help”, “You don’t deserve love”. Now think about your response.

You probably thought “Ouch. Oh. Okay” before, understandably, crawling away to lick your wounds. I doubt that you challenged them about their opinions and asked for evidence to back those opinions up with fact. You accepted the insults at face-value.

Now think back to a time when someone has praised you. “You look lovely in that dress”, “You scrub up well in a suit and tie”, “You are beautiful”, “You are thoughtful”, “You are worthy”. Now think about your response.

I hope that you accepted the praise at face-value, thanked the person for their kind compliments and went around with a warm glow for the rest of the day. After all that would be the same response as for insults, tweaked to make the response more appropriate for positive comments.

“The scary reason you can’t accept a compliment” goes into a little more detail.

Self-worth can need a helping hand

Unfortunately, you may have responded very differently. “Oh, um, thank you.” BLUSH. Feel uncomfortable. Start to wonder WHY they have given you such praise. Self-doubt creeps in. You “inner critic” whispers in your ear “you don’t deserve such praise. You start to question their motives. You start to self-sabotage by thinking “well they wouldn’t think that if they knew ….”

Yes, humans are silly sometimes. We accept criticism and insulting comments without question yet struggle to accept praise and compliments in the same way. This status quo is not healthy and it’s not sensible. So, what can be done to turn this on its head? This simple three step process will help:

Three steps for improving your sense of self-worth

Step One: very easy. STOP accepting criticism at face value. I’m not saying that you need to challenge everyone who has a nasty word to say about you. It is possible to do this without confrontation. Without any reference to them at all you can decide NOT to accept their opinion because you have EVIDENCE that proves their opinion to be wrong. Yes, they are entitled to have their opinion, yet they don’t have the right to use that opinion to attack you.

Step Two: learn about evidence-based praise. Using the technique when paying other people, a compliment AND ask your family and friends to use it when they pay you a compliment. I’ve recorded this short video to explain why evidence-based praise is so powerful and to teach you this very simple technique.

Step Three: ask your family and friends to watch the video and they ask them to use the technique to share with you why they love, support and VALUE you. Hearing evidenced-based praise about why the people you love value YOU can help your sense of self-worth. This might sound like seeking praise

This is the audio recording I made for Sue Johnston, The Infertility Advocate, for her ArtPrize “installation” that I mentioned earlier.

This is the wonderful recording she sent me. In her email she wrote that “This is what I think of you and all who CANBACE.” Whilst not using the evidence-based praise technique I have now learnt to accept compliments at face value. I hope you do to.

If you would like any more help regarding improving your sense of self-worth please visit the We Are Worthy Summit where there a recordings of loads of proactive healing webinars to help you remember that you are worthy. You can read other ideas I have about proactive healing in Creating My Healthy Mojo and Creating My Happy Mojo

In CANBACE friendship!

If anything I have written resonates I’d love to hear from you in the comments. I appreciate that this can be a difficult subject to speak openly about so if you don’t want me to publish your comment on the website please let me know and I will keep your words private.